Today was not a good day for me. I got called from a few places I interviewed at and was informed I didn't get the jobs. I had another job interview today and it ran late so I was running late to my therapist. On top of that, the buses and the traffic were horrible today. I waited twenty minutes for a bus that should come by every five to ten minutes and the traffic today reminded me of New York City! So between traffic and the buses, I got there way late. I actually got there so late my appointment was technically over but since he didn't have anybody after me, he took me. He (and mom) gave me shit for being late; 'traffic is never that bad', etc etc. Told me I need a car and I informed him I have no money for a freaking car, unless he wants me to buy a piece of junk that'll explode if a feather lands on it. 'If you drove you can get a car'...um what? Mom won't pay for the entire car and plus, I would not want to be debt that much to my mother.
So he gave me hassle for that. He also got on me about how I 'do nothing with my life' and that I 'live in a fantasy world'. Why the latter? Last time I saw him I told him I was excited for the release date of a book I've been waiting for. Soooo, because of that I live in a fantasy world. I informed him that a lot of people were excited about it to which he replied 'it's not normal to be this involved in a book'. He reads, he just doesn't understand it. There are people much more obsessed with that book then myself so he can't go off on me (or them).
Then he stated that nobody hires me because I'm so overweight. I inform him I'm trying to lose the weight, I'm doing some at home exercising (can't afford a damn gym) and I'm dieting. His reply? 'That's bullshit, you're getting wider and you look like a blimp'...I should go to a gym he says and I tell him I can't afford a damn gym. 'You could if you had a job'...ghznd;io bgkjzsfbgkldzsfbgkxf
So...to my therapist I'm a blimp, to my brother I'm a horse or a cow, and to my mom I'm a fatty. I can't deal with this anymore. I try so fucking hard to lose weight but it's so insanely slow going for me and my mom, brother, and fucking therapist saying I look like these things does not help me! When I get depressed I eat which depresses me, so I eat some more! ARGH!
So after he called me a blimp and a liar I get up and tell him I'm going home; 'that's right, run away from your problem like you always do'. You're my fucking problem Steve, you don't call your damn client a blimp! I don't care if you've known me since I was thirteen years old, that isn't fucking on! No, I don't think I can report him...it's just words and the words are true so I don't know...
Oh, I forgot to mention, when I told my mom I left early and why she said 'well you are' at which point I hung up.
I'm going to try to find a new therapist, one that can look at my problem objectively. Steve is too involved I guess. A therapist that won't call me terrible names and doesn't want to put me in a facility because I can't get a job (my mom does too).
I need to move out of this house...and even better, out of this city. I need to move soon, I have to...but I can't! I have no money for that, I can't afford living here, even with a freaking roommate! Where the hell can I go? The longer I stay in this house, the closer I am to just breaking but I can't get out. I won't impose myself on friends, I will not be a freaking burden. No, I need to get out on my home.
The only joy in my life are my animals, my books, and the few friends I have. That's just sad.
The highlight of my day was getting a package from box_of_sorrows which contains peppermint candy and a book about the area he lives in. Thanks Lee! I ran out of reading material (except for the chapter a day with the books). I love books like this, I'll read it this weekend.
Also, I started putting stuff in my Deviant Art account