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nice pictures can bring your mood up for so long - Robot Skeleton Army Minion #1983
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Mon, Jan. 29th, 2007 04:33 pm
nice pictures can bring your mood up for so long

So, my weekend completely sucked. I had a little pity party for myself. My mom is always on my back about key issues and her breathing down my neck does not help me. I gained some more weight and I cannot seem to get focused on trying to lose it. Every day I say to myself I'll start working to lose it, and I never do. I'm scared for myself because I'm too heavy, it isn't good for me. Then I get depressed about it and angry at myself and when I'm depressed I eat. So it's a cycle, I'm depressed because I eat and I eat because I'm depressed. My brother doesn't help when he calls me some not so nice names.

My grandmother might die. She is so weak, she can barely stay awake long enough to drink water and soup from a cup with a straw. When I visited her in the hospital she was awake a total of one minute during the 2 1\2 hours we were there. My aunt came down from Oregon to be with Grandma.
I also feel like a complete piece of crap because I don't feel as bad as I should. I'm sad but...nothing. Nothing that compares to when Dad died..which is understandable, he's my dad but still, she's my grandmother. I should feel more about her possibly dying. So yea, I am mad at myself about that.

Job situation is the same.

So yes, I got a brief pick-me-up seeing those photos. But now after it wore off, I'm depressed again. Blah.

Tags: , ,
Current Location: Los Angeles
Current Mood: indescribable indescribable
Current Music: Nowhere Girl---B Movie

9CommentReply

mudblood428
mudblood428
Venessa
Tue, Jan. 30th, 2007 01:26 am (UTC)

I am so very very sorry to hear about your Grandma. All I can say is not to be hard on yourself for how your feeling right now. It's hard to gauge what your feelings will be later on, let alone right now.

Anyway, if you need anything, let me know. I'll have you and your family in my thoughts.

*hugs*


ReplyThread
witherwings7
witherwings7
Agent 27
Tue, Jan. 30th, 2007 01:29 am (UTC)

Thank you very much Vanessa. With my dad it was sudden, but this situation with my grandmother is long, been happening since December.


ReplyThread Parent
weaz3l
weaz3l
Aleks
Tue, Jan. 30th, 2007 05:47 am (UTC)

*hugs tightly*
I wish I could be there or somehow help right now. If there is anything I can say or do just let me know.

Also, I'm thinking of making an LJ community for a few of my friends and I (a locked community) to post weight (and be a made up number or letters), exercise, diet (nothing extreme like any pro-ana shit, I dealt with an ED during high school and don't need that again in my life) and inspiration and words of help or wisdom for one another because I have a few other people on my list who are interested in losing weight but can't seem to get the motivation.


ReplyThread
witherwings7
witherwings7
Agent 27
Tue, Jan. 30th, 2007 06:32 am (UTC)

I'd love to join it if you make it. I want to do exercise but it's hard because I get really out of breath and I read that if you over-exercise it doesn't burn fat but muscle. Blah


ReplyThread Parent
z3nyatta
z3nyatta
Val
Tue, Jan. 30th, 2007 06:23 am (UTC)

Don't feel guilty that you don't think you're as upset as you should be about your grandma. She is obviously very sick so in a sense if she dies it will be a release for her. I'm not entirely sure what your religious beliefs are but I believe that people go to a much better place than here when they die. Just because you're not crying buckets right now does not mean you won't be later or that you don't love your grandma. Hang in there.


ReplyThread
z3nyatta
z3nyatta
Val
Tue, Jan. 30th, 2007 06:23 am (UTC)

oh god...I need to get a new icon...*cries*


ReplyThread Parent
witherwings7
witherwings7
Agent 27
Tue, Jan. 30th, 2007 06:33 am (UTC)

Yeah, I read about that. I haven't been really keeping up with it but was he able to walk around at all? If so, I would think they could retire him and let him laze about in a pasture. Of course, I don't know the full situation since I haven't been keeping up like I said before, maybe that wasn't possible :(


ReplyThread Parent
z3nyatta
z3nyatta
Val
Wed, Jan. 31st, 2007 05:27 am (UTC)

Horses can't really live unless they're on their feet, so he could walk but not very well (or at least only carefully) and sadly he wasn't healed enough to be ready to be let loose in a pasture. He did have a few good months though where he got to go outside every day and graze. :(


ReplyThread Parent
witherwings7
witherwings7
Agent 27
Tue, Jan. 30th, 2007 06:34 am (UTC)

Thanks. We're Jewish and though I call myself Jewish as well, I'm not religious. I'm spiritual though and I believe that too. She'll be able to see Dad and Grandpa though, she was in a daze when Dad died.


ReplyThread Parent