Agent 27 (witherwings7) wrote,
Agent 27

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nice pictures can bring your mood up for so long

So, my weekend completely sucked. I had a little pity party for myself. My mom is always on my back about key issues and her breathing down my neck does not help me. I gained some more weight and I cannot seem to get focused on trying to lose it. Every day I say to myself I'll start working to lose it, and I never do. I'm scared for myself because I'm too heavy, it isn't good for me. Then I get depressed about it and angry at myself and when I'm depressed I eat. So it's a cycle, I'm depressed because I eat and I eat because I'm depressed. My brother doesn't help when he calls me some not so nice names.

My grandmother might die. She is so weak, she can barely stay awake long enough to drink water and soup from a cup with a straw. When I visited her in the hospital she was awake a total of one minute during the 2 1\2 hours we were there. My aunt came down from Oregon to be with Grandma.
I also feel like a complete piece of crap because I don't feel as bad as I should. I'm sad but...nothing. Nothing that compares to when Dad died..which is understandable, he's my dad but still, she's my grandmother. I should feel more about her possibly dying. So yea, I am mad at myself about that.

Job situation is the same.

So yes, I got a brief pick-me-up seeing those photos. But now after it wore off, I'm depressed again. Blah.
Tags: depression, grandma, weight
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