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I have a fucking bedtime - Robot Skeleton Army Minion #1983
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Mon, Jun. 5th, 2006 07:10 pm
I have a fucking bedtime

So now, according to my family, I have to be in bed with lights off at midnight otherwise my mom will be taking my computer away. It doesn't matter that I pay for the internet, she paid for the computer so she'll be taking it away from me. I can't fall asleep at midnight!!! I can't. He (brother) said everybody with jobs fall asleep by midnight. How many of you people with jobs fall asleep by midnight!? I can guarantee that I will be up at 4am if I fall asleep by then. That's when I talk to my best friend! Our best conversations are around then! I can't do that! Lastly, if I want to banter back and forth with my friend in England, I can really only do it at that time because of the time difference. I like our banters! They cheer me up :(
I also have to work at mom's job five days a week until I can find a job. If I don't she's kicking me out. Nevermind the fact that her boss smokes and makes me phsyically ill to be around him, it doesn't matter that it's illegal and unfair. "A lot of things are unfair but we do them anyway". I should not have to put up with secondhand smoke in the fucking job space! According to my brother I will have to 'suck it up and deal with my migraines'. You can't deal with migraines! Yeah I can work with a headache but not a migraine. That makes me 'lazy'. She apologized for calling me a bitch which doesn't matter to me. I took her apology like I take Adam's when he calls me a fat pig, with a grain of salt. The next time we disagree I'll be a 'fat bitch' or a 'lazy bitch'.
Also, I have to go to Lange Foundation and Curves at least three times a week for both. That's fine for Curves because that's the scheduel, three times a week. But Adam said "Mom's work, Curves, and Lange is your job. If you don't do these things mom will kick you out. You need to go to mom's office everyday but your therapy day, you need to go to Curves three times a week and Lange four times a week". Way to take the joy of volunteering out of me Adam. I also have to take my drivers test by next Friday or I'll be out on the street. I can fail but I must take it.
I'm 22, nearly 23! They want me to be independent and find my own life but they are giving me a 'lights out time'. That's the thing that gets me most of all, I have to be in bed by midnight. Have to. It just gets worse and worse. Anyone want a roommate? J\k, can't put my burden on any of you. I don't have the money to live in that fucking city. I'd give my rats away if I could move out, I love them but I can part with them to a good home but it's my cats. I need to move with Spencer and Zoe. I can't afford $700 a month, I can't.
Oh, my neighbor informs them that I am awake at 5am every morning which is not true. I'm in bed by 4 and if I'm not, my light is off so he shouldn't be able to see me unless he looks closely. So they have the neighbor spying on me or something?
I knew it would be played...the 'guilt card'. I knew it. I will make mom sick since I'm not driving her. Let's just forget the fact that mom shouldn't be going to work at all until mid-June and that she goes anyway..and there's second hand smoke in that space. Let's forget all about that and focus on the fact that I will make her sick. I, who doesn't call mom names and has started to not really yell back. I just go to my room or give her glares, but I don't call her a bitch and I never have. I think the most cursing I say to mom is 'dammit', 'bloody hell', and 'screw this'. It'll be my fault because I'm letting her belittle me and drive her to a place she shouldn't be going. It's okay, I know it's my fault (yes, I'm in self-pity mode).
I just can't take this. It's a no win situation, I live here and get treated like I'm five fucking years old. I can't move and I can't stay here. It's a wonder I have started doing more self destructive behavior but overeating. Overeating must be my personal form of self destruction, I don't cut or do drugs but I overeat. I'm a walking mental case.

So let me break it down in case you didn't understand from my ramblings.
1. have to work in a space where I will be around something that makes me phsyically ill
2. have to be in bed with lights out by midnight dispite the fact that I can't fall asleep that early
3. have to work in that office while looking for a job otherwise I will be on the street.
4. I have to drive mom to a place she was told not to go to by her doctor
5. I have to go to Curves three times a week (was planning on that anyway), Lange 4-5 times a week for two hours each, and mom's job five times a week otherwise I'm out on the street.
6. Didn't mention this but I also have to apply for disability because my mental capacity qualifies as a handicap. I'm handicapped in the mind I suppose.
7. Also didn't mention, but I can't eat or drink in my room anymore even though I throw stuff out and wash dishes. My room 'smells'.
8. I have to clean the cages 4 times a week otherwise the rats 'go'. Nevermind the fact that I have 2 rats in a cage so cleaning is only needed once or twice a week. Four times a week is a waste of material but I have to do it otherwise mom will 'drop my rats off at a pet store'. Oh, to that girl who wanted to give me her rat. It would be best if you don't, I don't want to bring a rat into this situation. I can pass along the word about your rat but I don't want to bring a rat into an unstable place.
9. My livejournal friends aren't really friends, just people I know on the internet. I agree that some of you aren't friends, I friended some of you to read your ff stories or because you make cool icons and we might be friendly to each other, but I don't consider us 'friends' and I'm sure you don't either. But some of you are friends. imonsie is my bestfriend and I consider decapod_10, yodallama, weaselses, angelwings2dust, box_of_sorrows, and a few more of you to be actual friends. But nope, I just 'know you' on the internet. True we met on the internet but whatever.
I guess that's it.
And yes I'm still crying.

PS-Please excuse any crappy spelling, I don't feel like spellchecking.

Tags: , , , ,
Current Mood: crappy crappy
Current Music: music

16CommentReply

axe_girl
axe_girl
Dana
Tue, Jun. 6th, 2006 02:19 am (UTC)

Hrmm. Well considering I clock off at midnight (or a couple of minutes past) that would be kinda hard.


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decapod_10
decapod_10
The Kitten Duchess
Tue, Jun. 6th, 2006 02:30 am (UTC)

::Hugs!:: I'm sorry, hun! :(
I have a job, and I don't go to bed a midnight.
I hope this all blows over sometime soon.
I'll be sending you awesomely good thoughts!
Because you are my friend.


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witherwings7
witherwings7
Agent 27
Tue, Jun. 6th, 2006 02:35 am (UTC)

Thank you, glad some people don't consider lj friends to be just nameless faces on the internet. I could never fall asleep at midnight, I'm still wide awake. I've always gone to sleep late but I could negotiate with them! I can head to bed by 2 and be up by 9am. But nope, it has to be Midnight.
I hope it blows over but even if it does it'll come up again *sigh*


ReplyThread Parent
decapod_10
decapod_10
The Kitten Duchess
Tue, Jun. 6th, 2006 02:43 am (UTC)

If you're bored in bed at night, you can always text message me! :) I'm always bored at night and I adore texts. Lemme know if you want my number.


ReplyThread Parent
witherwings7
witherwings7
Agent 27
Tue, Jun. 6th, 2006 02:45 am (UTC)

I won't say no to your number, just email it to me some teh crazy stalkers don't get it :)


ReplyThread Parent
evilcresyluna
evilcresyluna
Miss Celie of the North
Tue, Jun. 6th, 2006 02:43 am (UTC)

Offer still stands for you know, my mom's place. :P She said it was okay! ("Can my friend Sara live there?" "Sure, okay.") My brother is dorktastic, but not in a mean way - just in the long involved stories you don't really want to hear way.

Just, you know, *huggles*


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witherwings7
witherwings7
Agent 27
Tue, Jun. 6th, 2006 02:46 am (UTC)

Heh thanks, now if there's only a way I can transport myself, my animals, and my crap to the east coast I'll be set ;p
Also, dorks are awesome :)


ReplyThread Parent
evilcresyluna
evilcresyluna
Miss Celie of the North
Tue, Jun. 6th, 2006 02:50 am (UTC)

Well com'on, you're getting your license soon! ;) I know, I know - not really feasible. But I wish I could I just transport you and all the critters and such tomorrow.


ReplyThread Parent
witherwings7
witherwings7
Agent 27
Tue, Jun. 6th, 2006 02:52 am (UTC)

I wish apparition were real ;x
I would love to move to Oregon or Washington, it's cheaper especially in Oregon and it's my favorite climate (and it's so green and gorgous). My dream location is England or Scotland though *dreamy sigh*


ReplyThread Parent
evilcresyluna
evilcresyluna
Miss Celie of the North
Tue, Jun. 6th, 2006 02:48 am (UTC)

Duh, forgot, both my bf and I have jobs (I have two) and except for this crappy week neither of them involve going to bed at midnight - in fact, the bf would get in trouble for it since that would involve sleeping through his shift!
And the cage cleaning part is silly, too. :P


ReplyThread Parent
beethatbumbles
beethatbumbles
Melissa
Tue, Jun. 6th, 2006 03:16 am (UTC)

That's ridiculous. I'm so sorry your family is so harsh with you. :(


ReplyThread
angelwings2dust
angelwings2dust
Burning angelwings to dust
Tue, Jun. 6th, 2006 03:49 am (UTC)

I have my own business, a part-time job on the side, and I generally stay up to any time between 2 and 4 AM. I am NEVER in bed by midnight unless I am sick.

Your family is absolutely unreasonable and disgusting.


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weaz3l
weaz3l
Aleks
Tue, Jun. 6th, 2006 04:41 am (UTC)

I know what you mean about living in a situation you can't get out of. I'm in the same boat and no one understands they constantly berate me and tell me it's my fault I am in this situation and if I really wanted to I could get out. Don't listen to thoe kind of people. They are the same kind of people like my mother who tells me to work at McDonald's even though I can't be around that food because of my disease. Oi. It's ok to be upset, the only advice I can really give right now is give into their demands for now and I am sure, or at least hope, it will all blow over in a week or two.

And yeah, I get the whole "it's just the internet, they aren't real" thing all the time. Because, you know, you're just a robot on the other end, an inanimate entity that is typing to me, not a real live human being like I with feelings and emotions.


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box_of_sorrows
Box Of Sorrows
Tue, Jun. 6th, 2006 07:04 am (UTC)

I go to bed when I'm tired, have done since I was 16, no point otherwise. The other night I woke at 3am and just lay there in bed until 6am hoping I'd fall back to sleep since I had work at 7, might aswell have just gotten up :-/

I'd report that guy for smoking in his office if it's illegal there, we're in the midst of heading towards a lot of smoking bans here thankfully, but almost every workplace has already banned it.


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faerydragonet
faerydragonet
Naneki
Tue, Jun. 6th, 2006 08:20 am (UTC)

I can sympathize with you. When I was living with my parents my curfew was sundown and bedtime was 10:30 unless I am working or doing homework. No dating, no sex and so on and so forth.


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bellelvsbeast
bellelvsbeast
Officer Kelli
Sun, Jun. 11th, 2006 07:30 am (UTC)

I'm appalled to hear about all the things you have to deal with. Your brother should mind his own business, ass. :( I mean good lord the last time I lived at home I was 18, and my mom wasn't even strict like this. Yes she said no food in my room, but if I did and was careful she didn't get on my ass. She never expected me to have a job. And she would never force me to work somewhere that wasn't "healthy". Just plain stupid. You need to get out of there ASAP. You and I are the same age and it just isn't right you are treated that way. I mean last night I was up until 3am! If you aren't bothering anyone, what the hell does it matter when you go to sleep? The only problem is you can't change your mom, but you can change your situation by leaving...:(
I wish you luck. I wish I lived around there and had an extra room for ya. If you ever want to move to San Francisco let me know, maybe I can help ya out...:)


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