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oh hi guys :O - Robot Skeleton Army Minion #1983 — LiveJournal
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Tue, Jul. 17th, 2012 11:03 pm
oh hi guys :O

I wonder how many people still follow me...
The last year has been hectic. I've been fighting my depression and trying to keep myself busy with traveling. I want a job but...I just can't. The idea of a job fills me with horrible anxiety. I hope one day I can have one but right now I have more important things to worry about; my health.
I've gained so much weight this last year, I'm at a very scary weight. I'm in the process of joining a program that will prepare me for the surgery. I hope I can make it that far because my insurance won't let everybody have the surgery. I need it...nothing has been working and I'm terrified that I'll die before I hit 30.
I've been doing some traveling. I went back to the UK last July as well as June of this year. Last year I went with one of my best friends and this year I went with my mother.
I'm going to be traveling around next month to follow my favorite person in the entire world; Weird Al. ♥

Tags: , , ,
Current Mood: crappy crappy
Current Music: Dare To Be Stupid-- Weird Al


Box Of Sorrows
Wed, Jul. 18th, 2012 06:22 am (UTC)

You know I'm always hanging around :-D

Depression is horrible, I have great difficulty in explaining at times exactly what's going on within me. The meds for it made me so badly tired and exhausted that they added to the problem. I've also put on a shed load, mostly through the insane drinking I was doing to escape, but also when you're that down it's hard to motivate yourself to do things.
My job is a day-to-day slog, I used to love my work but the actual work that we're doing now has changed so much that I'm not into it now. The downside is that of course it's my salary that supports the family and unless we uprooted and moved away there's very little else to choose from and certainly not at the wage I get.

But, there's always that opinion that there will be a wind of change coming soon and everything will come up roses lol.

Agent 27
Wed, Jul. 18th, 2012 06:25 am (UTC)


I wish I didn't have to work...but I'm sure that's the thought of millions of people. The actual thought of it makes me shake. I'm 29 and I've only had 3 jobs in my life. I can't keep them, the first time I'm reprimanded I fall apart, it's quite pathetic. I'm sure this also has to do with my anxiety issues. It's a pickle though because I'm running out of the money my grandma gave me. I need money to travel, something that keeps me happy...and to have money I need to somehow get an income. Oy vey...
I could make a long post about my depression but I didn't feel like it tonight. i'm on medication that's starting to lose it's effect...except for making me sleepy. Go figure.

ReplyThread Parent
Box Of Sorrows
Wed, Jul. 18th, 2012 06:34 am (UTC)

Is there nothing that you might fancy doing yourself as a small business? I'm worried about the lads at the moment with the state of the jobs market here and keep thinking that I'd always wanted to have my own business but never considered quite what. Initially I wanted to run an exotic pet place, a friend and I at the time were right upto the stage of finding a building but both backed out when we realised the overheads versus the possible income were terrible. I'd like to set something up with the lads if they wanted, but I'm wary that so far none of them show any sort of interest, enthusiasm or effort in anything they do let alone doing things for other people.

Yeah, Trazodone that I take is a heavy sedative, I was on 300mg of the stuff each night and couldn't function properly for most of the following day. On 100mg now and it's better but not ideal. Worst thing I did was slipping into drinking and becoming hooked on that, shaking that off has been a nightmare.

ReplyThread Parent
Wed, Jul. 18th, 2012 06:28 am (UTC)

Glad to see you back on here :-D

Your health should certainly come before a job, so glad to hear that you have had the opportunity to travel.

Will you be in NYC in October to see Craig?

Agent 27
Wed, Jul. 18th, 2012 06:31 am (UTC)

I'm going to try and update more but...who knows if I'll follow through.
Yep, I'll be at the RCMH show with one of my BFFs. I'm excited!

ReplyThread Parent
Wed, Jul. 18th, 2012 06:33 am (UTC)

You are on FB, you are on twitter, most people have migrated there...

Depression sucks, and I think these days everyone is anxious about a job, and anxiety over a job and the people you will have to work with at the job just makes both worse.

Eta, check the AIM box for Saries7 :-D

Edited at 2012-07-18 06:36 am (UTC)

ReplyThread Parent
Agent 27
Wed, Jul. 18th, 2012 06:47 am (UTC)

I just saw the IMs! I'd reply but the meds have kicked in and I'm about to pass out. x___x

ReplyThread Parent
Wed, Jul. 18th, 2012 11:30 am (UTC)

Surgery as in, lapband or something? I wish I could talk you out of it. I have had a handful of friends try it with absolutely terrifying results. One of them recently had it reversed and just oh my god, it about killed her and her original doctor was extremely unsupportive.

If you decide to go through with it, I hope you've done all your research.

Wed, Jul. 18th, 2012 04:06 pm (UTC)

Ugh! Depression sucks! *hugs* Your health should really come before a job.

Edited at 2012-07-18 04:06 pm (UTC)

Jessi (Yoda to some)
Fri, Jul. 20th, 2012 10:22 pm (UTC)

I just came back to LJ also, but have still not been so great at updating. I have seen you around Facebook of course but I didn't realize about your health issues and I'm sorry to hear it =/.

Do you think that having a travelling job would be a possibility for you? I suppose, do you think it is the travel itself that helps (the change in scenery, etc) or the fun things you do WHILE travelling? There are several people on your with me who say that when they try to leave the circus they get depressed after a while, and that it seems like changing cities every week keeps them and their minds busy enough to keep the depression away. I know it's strange to think of uprooting your life but, may be worth a thought..