Agent 27 (witherwings7) wrote,
Agent 27

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Super Bitch is at it again :3

You would think I was in a bad mood based on the thoughts running through my mind the last few weeks. I've been mostly negative in my thoughts lately with very little positive thoughts floating around. I'm not really in a bad mood at the moment but I figured I'd rant about a few of the negative thoughts. Maybe it'll help clear up the clutter in my head.

1. Birthright Israel
I haven't heard from them yet and I signed up in February. I don't remember if I signed up for June or July but I probably chose June. I can't check because there's no way to find out on their site. I've emailed them a bunch of times asking what month I signed up for and if I signed up for July can I change it to June. I haven't heard from them. Well, not really true. They sent out a mass email saying that the June people were alerted and July people will know "in a few weeks and don't email us." Screw that, I emailed them anyway. I, with much prodding from my mom, wrote them a strongly worded letter. I told them that they need to change their site to let people know what month they signed up for if they forget. I told them that it wasn't fair for them to send out mass emails on a Friday when they know they won't be in until the following Monday. Every email they send goes out on a Friday! What if people need to contact you? They can't because you won't be in the office! I also told them that I have a "prior engagement" in England at the beginning of July and that I really need to finalize my plans. Them not replying to any of my letters is making everything more difficult then it needs to be. At this point I don't even care if I go to Israel, I really don't. It's not like that's in my Top 20 Places To Go. It's in my Top 50 for the history of it.
Also, I'm frustrated with Birthright because of the phone interview I had. They asked me what sort of "relationship with god" I had. Uh, is that their business? Birthright Israel states that it's for all Jews, no matter how spiritual or religious it is. If you're Jewish, you're qualified. I don't have a relationship with god. I don't even believe in a god! I didn't come right out and say that though. Even though they say everybody is qualified I don't want them taking a negative look at me based on a stupid question. I said "my relationship with god is my own business, I really don't feel comfortable answering this question." They went on to the next one...

2. Religion in general
Yah, I've been very bitter towards religion lately. Maybe it's because I have to clean for Passover. When I'm on my own I'm not doing anything for these holidays but until then it's just easier to help out then suffer the wrath of my stressed out mother. I don't care that people have faith or believe in a higher force, I honestly don't. What I don't appreciate is it being shoved down my throat or being called a bad person.
An example, almost every Friday we go to somebody's house for dinner. They light the Shabbas candles and I used to light them. I stopped lighting them because I felt awful doing it. I would light them and cover my eyes and just stand there. You're supposed to say a prayer and I never did. Eventually I felt like a hypocrite so I stopped lighting them at home. When I was handed a candle I shrugged it off. "You aren't lighting today?"
"I don't think I'll be lighting anymore." "Why?" "I feel like a hypocrite, I'm doing something I don't believe in." "You're Jewish, you need to light them." "I really don't feel comfortable doing it." "Well I'll light one extra for you." Uh...why? Whatever. I also got into a discussion and mentioned that I'm worried about how bitter over religion I'm getting. and how against it I feel I am. "You can't be really against it, you believe in God!" "Um, I don't actually." "...that's too bad, you don't know what you're missing." Somebody down the table overheard and said loudly "You don't believe in God!? How can you call yourself a Jew and not believe in God! Vlad, how can you invite an atheist here!?" (she spat the word like it was poison). I don't appreciate being treated as a second class citizen because I don't believe in a god.

3. Children
It's not children that I'm mad at...this time, haha. No, it's people who expect me to pop out a kid. So many people have told me to get married so I can have children. I mention that I'm not sure if I even want kids and if I do, I want a few years with the husband before being burdened by children. With kids we can't travel like I want to, I won't have my husband all to myself. I want a few years of just him and me before I pop out or adopt kids. I don't know if I'll even have any though, but that's my choice. People have told me that I need to breed to increase the Jewish population or that it's "my duty" as a woman. Er, what? I don't think the world needs more people and I'm only on this planet to breed because I'm a woman? Wooow. I also resent having people find it bizarre that I'm uncomfortable around most children. I'm a woman, I should have that maternal side! Nope, sorry. I don't think all babies are cute and I'm not a terrible person for not going "AWWW, BABIEZ!!!"

5. My brother
He's an most of you know. He's pissed at my mom. Well fine, be pissed. Frankly, I'm annoyed at her over her actions. Don't take that out on me though and don't be childish. Mom doesn't go to the family things Adam puts on because he always does it on a Saturday. Mom isn't religious anymore but she doesn't feel comfortable doing things on Saturday because that's the Jewish Sabbath. He knows this and he should respect it. She'll usually come by later that night but then he gets on her case and says she's "depressing to be around." He's told her to "get over" Dad's death and he berated her for being "depressing" a hour before we put Mystery down. Mom has been pretty childish but show some damn respect, she's our mother! He won't be coming to the Seder because "you didn't come to our second baby shower" (on a Saturday). Way to be petty Adam. He treats me like I'm a child and always frets if I vacation alone. He thinks I can't do that. He always go "so when are you going to lose the lard?" Way to be supportive and he insists on shoving my niece in my arms. I really don't appreciate that. I'm not comfortable around babies...girls especially! I know, it's weird that little girls freak me out but they do. He knows that but insists on me holding her. I do and I'm stiff as a board the entire time. I get along with Andrew but I'm not crazy for him. I love him, I'm his aunt...but I'm not that into kids and my brother doesn't respect it. He's gone as far as calling me a bad aunt because I'm not as involved as Elena's sister. I kiss Andrew on the cheek, I give them presents, I smile at Andrew if he looks at me. I plan on getting Andrew the Potter books when he's older and I plan on taking him to the zoo. I want him to grow up with a respect of animals and reading that neither of his parents have. I think I'm a good aunt, I'm not very demonstrative but I do love him and I think he'll know that when he gets older.

7. My weight and shallow guys
Men seem to think that after talking to me for ten minutes online it gives them the right to ask my cup size. Uh, no it doesn't. Or, when seeing a full body photo of myself, say "So, are you going to do anything about that?" (my fat). Why yes I am but I'm not going to lose weight for you. I want to lose weight for myself. For my health and my sense of self worth. In my head I know that I shouldn't feel bad about myself based on my looks but my heart aches over being judged based on my size. People look at me and automatically assume that I'm a slob and that I don't care about myself. I'm trying, that's all I can do isn't it? Losing weight, especially as much weight as I carry, isn't something that will happen overnight. I know it will take at least 3 years to get down to my goal size. I'm trying to eat better, I still eat crap but a lot less of it and a lot more of healthy things. I also go to the gym. It depresses me that all those guys I meet online, who are very nice and think I'm "cute and intelligent" don't even bother with me once they meet me. They see how big I am and immediately get turned off. It's not like I keep it a secret, I mention I'm a big girl and I do have a full body shot in my profiles. It's also depressing that one guy who knows how big I am (I took a more recent full body shot) and still thinks I'm cute lives all the way in Oregon. I will lose weight for myself not for you

8. Insane Twilight Fans
I am not talking about people who just like Twilight. That's your business and you can enjoy any book or movie you want. I'm talking about the Twilight people who actually get in my face for not liking the books\movies. I was at a dinner at somebody's house and they had a 13 year old guest. The guest saw I was young and asked me if I liked Twilight. "No, I tried reading them but I really don't like them." "HOW CAN YOU NOT LIKE THEM!? ARE YOU STUPID? TWILIGHT IS THE BEST BOOK EVAH!!!1!1" That's tame compared to what I've been called on the internet. I got into a debate on a board, it was an intelligent conversation about why Twilight and Harry Potter shouldn't be categorized together. There were Twi fans there as well as Potter fans and people there who don't like either book but are intelligent enough to talk about the books without bashing them. Then some Twi fans got word that somebody dared say that Twilight was a bad book. They stormed the board and called us, amongst other things, "fucking morons", "faggots", and...get this "racist"! I don't like Twilight. I don't say that blindly, I gave the book a shot. I read the first book for about 150 pages and I couldn't continue. I.Don't.Like.Twilight.
That doesn't make me a bad person. I still love Potter as much as I did a few years ago but I know not everybody does. I love South Park but I know that many people hate it. I don't go around calling these people horrible names. It's a book! Get over yourself!
Again, I'm not talking about you sane Twilight fans ;)
Oh...and god help me if I think Robert P. is 1. ugly and 2. untalented. Sorry, I thought he was kind of cute as Cedric but he didn't look like a crackhead as Cedric, he was just a pretty boy. I think Robert P. looks stoned all the time and I don't think he's all that talented. There's worse actors out there but the way some girls talk you'd think he was Paul Newman reincarnated! Wow, if I get as crazy for Dan as these girls put me out of my misery :P

I hope I didn't offend anyone but honestly, this is my journal. I have a right to say whatever I want here. I tried to word my rants so that I wasn't overly offensive. I re-wrote the religion rant about 5 times because I know some of you have a relationship with a god. I respect that, I do. Just please respect my right to not have one.

Because this was such a negative post I feel I should put a few positive things in here!

Happy birthday mommy! She's 62 today! I'm taking her to The Stinking Rose tomorrow, yum! I requested my favorite radio station to play a song mom likes (Bittersweet Symphony, awesome song!) and they did! YAY!

I only have $1000 more until my UK trip is paid off. Well, the tour. I still need to buy plane tickets and those extra tours...:P

I've been re-reading my James Rollins books, I <3 his work.

Somebody that almost plowed into me got caught by a cop. He ran the end of his yellow while I started making my left turn. I was already in the intersection, I had to go. He was far from even the crosswalk and ran the light. Almost hit me but didn't see the cop car, bwahahaha.

I spent a nice day at Venice Beach today. I walked along the market area and bought a few things. It's such a gorgeous day :)

I actually feel pretty in this photo :P

I actually do feel better after all that bitching :)
Tags: adam, birthright israel, ignorance, lolz twilight, mom, my photos, rants, religion, sara the bitch, stupid people, weight issues
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