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whatever - Robot Skeleton Army Minion #1983
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Wed, Feb. 14th, 2007 08:55 pm
whatever

Some friends of mine lost a good person yesterday; mr_yer_on_fire passed away yesterday at only nineteen. I didn't know her personally but I did see her comments around and she seemed like a wonderful person. My condolences to her family and friends, she will be missed.
~~~~

Today was not a good day for me. I got called from a few places I interviewed at and was informed I didn't get the jobs. I had another job interview today and it ran late so I was running late to my therapist. On top of that, the buses and the traffic were horrible today. I waited twenty minutes for a bus that should come by every five to ten minutes and the traffic today reminded me of New York City! So between traffic and the buses, I got there way late. I actually got there so late my appointment was technically over but since he didn't have anybody after me, he took me. He (and mom) gave me shit for being late; 'traffic is never that bad', etc etc. Told me I need a car and I informed him I have no money for a freaking car, unless he wants me to buy a piece of junk that'll explode if a feather lands on it. 'If you drove you can get a car'...um what? Mom won't pay for the entire car and plus, I would not want to be debt that much to my mother.
So he gave me hassle for that. He also got on me about how I 'do nothing with my life' and that I 'live in a fantasy world'. Why the latter? Last time I saw him I told him I was excited for the release date of a book I've been waiting for. Soooo, because of that I live in a fantasy world. I informed him that a lot of people were excited about it to which he replied 'it's not normal to be this involved in a book'. He reads, he just doesn't understand it. There are people much more obsessed with that book then myself so he can't go off on me (or them).
Then he stated that nobody hires me because I'm so overweight. I inform him I'm trying to lose the weight, I'm doing some at home exercising (can't afford a damn gym) and I'm dieting. His reply? 'That's bullshit, you're getting wider and you look like a blimp'...I should go to a gym he says and I tell him I can't afford a damn gym. 'You could if you had a job'...ghznd;io bgkjzsfbgkldzsfbgkxf
So...to my therapist I'm a blimp, to my brother I'm a horse or a cow, and to my mom I'm a fatty. I can't deal with this anymore. I try so fucking hard to lose weight but it's so insanely slow going for me and my mom, brother, and fucking therapist saying I look like these things does not help me! When I get depressed I eat which depresses me, so I eat some more! ARGH!

So after he called me a blimp and a liar I get up and tell him I'm going home; 'that's right, run away from your problem like you always do'. You're my fucking problem Steve, you don't call your damn client a blimp! I don't care if you've known me since I was thirteen years old, that isn't fucking on! No, I don't think I can report him...it's just words and the words are true so I don't know...
Oh, I forgot to mention, when I told my mom I left early and why she said 'well you are' at which point I hung up.

I'm going to try to find a new therapist, one that can look at my problem objectively. Steve is too involved I guess. A therapist that won't call me terrible names and doesn't want to put me in a facility because I can't get a job (my mom does too).

I need to move out of this house...and even better, out of this city. I need to move soon, I have to...but I can't! I have no money for that, I can't afford living here, even with a freaking roommate! Where the hell can I go? The longer I stay in this house, the closer I am to just breaking but I can't get out. I won't impose myself on friends, I will not be a freaking burden. No, I need to get out on my home.
The only joy in my life are my animals, my books, and the few friends I have. That's just sad.

The highlight of my day was getting a package from box_of_sorrows which contains peppermint candy and a book about the area he lives in. Thanks Lee! I ran out of reading material (except for the chapter a day with the books). I love books like this, I'll read it this weekend.
Also, I started putting stuff in my Deviant Art account

Tags: , , , , ,
Current Location: at home unfortunatly
Current Mood: depressed depressed
Current Music: Radio---The Corrs

15CommentReplyShare

evilcresyluna
evilcresyluna
Miss Celie of the North
Thu, Feb. 15th, 2007 05:23 am (UTC)

My darling friend just went for a doctor's visit at a clinic I recommended, they weighed her in at 240lb. The nurse looked at it and said "okay."
My friend: "Wait, what? Aren't you going to tell me I'm horribly fat and will die in some horrible way?"
The nurse: "*quizzical look* No - we're finding more and more that weight is more genetically linked."
My friend: "Honestly, I think mine is more cupcake linked. But I like your explanation better."
The nurse thought this very amusing and said there were pamphlets on weight loss in the lobby if my friend wanted to look at them.

Honestly, babe, I think your situation is toxic. I've friended you for what, 2 years? More? My boyfriend still has your brother on his list of people to kill should he get a license to do so. Your therapist doesn't sound like he is the slightest bit interested in setting goals with you, and prefers to yell at and accuse you. I remember my classmates cooing because one patient's chart said '30lb. weight loss in 2 months.' "ooo!" They said. "Wish I could lose that much in 2 months!" You know why he lost that much? CANCER. Healthy weight loss isn't huge, it is maximum 2lb. a week - it is slow and meant to permanent, not a crash diet that you pack back on after a month.
He (your therapist) may have a point that some interviewers hold your weight against you. This is not your fault.

In all entire seriousness, if I happened to find myself in LA with a way to transport your stuff and animals, would you come back to the east coast with me? Because I like long drives and hate to see my friends in miserable situations.


ReplyThread
witherwings7
witherwings7
Agent 27
Thu, Feb. 15th, 2007 05:28 am (UTC)

My friend: "Honestly, I think mine is more cupcake linked. But I like your explanation better."
That made me laugh, thanks for that!

He claims he wants to set goals with me, but he goes about it horribly. That's horrible and reminds me of something. A few years ago I was talking to a family friend's daughter and mom mentioned that a family member lost 20 pounds due to cancer. The daughter went 'I wouldn't mind cancer if I could lose that!'
She knows what Cancer is...people :(
I know interviewers hold it against me. I could understand certain places but the places I interview at, it shouldn't matter. Meh.

I don't know, I just hate being a burden to people. I love the idea of a friend wanting to help me that much and I probably would go with you. I'd have to sell a crapload of stuff...I actually should sell some stuff just to get some money.
Hopefully I'll be able to find a job soon and save up to move.


ReplyThread Parent
evilcresyluna
evilcresyluna
Miss Celie of the North
Thu, Feb. 15th, 2007 05:48 am (UTC)

I'm glad you laughed, I did too.

Obviously you going on job interviews and getting callbacks is working towards your goal of getting employed. Trying to break you down by just yelling at you about your weight isn't helpful.

Yah, some people just get so wrapped up in the weight aspect they stop thinking about the health. And that is just as bad.

Yeah, most places it really shouldn't matter. Sometimes it just depends on the interviewer you get.

*Nods* I know you don't want to be a burden, but I definitely don't think you'd try to take advantage of the situation either. That's what being a burden would mean to me.
We (as in, Chris and I) are trying to figure our next place - we want to move away from here and hopefully into a house. Being able to have like-minded people in the same house is something I'd like to do.
I hope you find a job soon, too, though. I'd like to see you in situation where you feel supported and in control, not attacked and near breaking.


ReplyThread Parent
z3nyatta
z3nyatta
Val
Thu, Feb. 15th, 2007 06:06 am (UTC)

Reading that stuff that your "therapist" said to you makes me sick. And angry. I am falling asleep right now and thus typing is difficult but I really hope you can find a better therapist because that guy is out of line. And frankly so is your mom. NO ONE should ever be called those names, and I don't give a damn if you think it's true, IT'S NOT. You have value, you are amazing. I care about you. He's got these blinders that sterotype everything. If you're overweight it must be because you're not trying to lose weight. If you don't have a job it must be because you're not seeking them out. If you're excited about the LAST HARRY POTTER BOOK coming out it must because you live in a fantasy world. WRONG. None of those things are true. I wish I could help you out and get you away from there, but my current living situation does not allow long term guests, so that would be a problem, but I know something great will happen. Really try to find another therapist because that could change everything. Maybe your mom will even listen to someone who really listens to you. She obviously doesn't believe what you say, or discredits it, but maybe she'll listen to a professional (one who deserves to be called that). I hope this makes sense. Good night!


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sirry_addict
sirry_addict
Andry
Thu, Feb. 15th, 2007 07:53 am (UTC)

:-\ *hugs* Sounds like it's time for a new therapist--someone who's honestly interested in setting goals, helping you get your life on track and actually listens to you when you have a problem. It doesn't sound like the guy you're going to is doing any of this; personally I'd say something, because what he said is considered harrassment. No person, especially someone who is being employed by you, should ever say such things to you. You deserve better.

I know how you feel; I'm trying to lose weight too, and it's proving to be very difficult. My family is overweight for the most part, but it's not genetic based--it's due to a lack of caring. My grandmother said to me today that she really wasn't interested in her health because it doesn't matter to anyone but her. She said she's 58 and will do as she pleases. I told her I was simply worried that her heart and the rest of her body wasn't going to be able to handle the extra weight for much longer, to which she replied, "Who gives a damn?" *sigh* Try not to dwell on the bad parts; try focusing on the fact that there are people out there that really do care if you succeed. Me, included. :-)

As for moving...that's a huge strain in itself. I just recently moved in with my grandparents because of the problems I was having with my Mom; my financial situation bites, too, but I try to stay on the good side of things. I hope everything starts looking up for you, and that you won't hesitate to ask for help or for someone to talk to if need be. *hugs again*

--♥Andry


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box_of_sorrows
Box Of Sorrows
Thu, Feb. 15th, 2007 10:41 am (UTC)

Damn that's sad to hear someone so young passing away.

Umm, are you paying to see this guy? wtf use is he if instead of helping find the root of your problems and address them he's just heaping more biased shit on you? I thought the whole point of these people was to give guidance rather than opinionated views. Don't get hung up on weight/figure, christ mine has been all over the place ever since I was a kid, enjoying life is way more important than ending up spending all your time obsessed with trying to fit in with what other people want/think.

Glad the parcel got there okay. You'll probably recognise a lot of the places from my photo's, there's some where I can see huge changes that have happened over the last century and others that look as though time has forgotten them!


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witherwings7
witherwings7
Agent 27
Thu, Feb. 15th, 2007 10:43 am (UTC)

Yeah :(

My mom pays for the therapy, I couldn't afford him.

Well, I do need to lose weight. It's almost to the point of being really unhealthy. I want to get down to a certain weight and I'd be happy, it's actually a little above the weight for my size and bone structure.

I usually cannot stand peppermint so I was wary of trying them. I did though and it's one of the few peppermints I can say I like :3


ReplyThread Parent
box_of_sorrows
Box Of Sorrows
Thu, Feb. 15th, 2007 10:49 am (UTC)

Then I'd say, "look, you say I need a car so I can get to places like job interviews on time, instead of wasting money on you why don't I just get mom to spend your fees on a car for me?!" bet he'd back-peddle like mad at that point.

There's some odd sweets available, there's one made from honey that is really nice (if you like honey!), another has things like elderberry and strange old fashioned herbs... I'm always wary of buying sweets for people since tastes vary so much.


ReplyThread Parent
witherwings7
witherwings7
Agent 27
Thu, Feb. 15th, 2007 10:51 am (UTC)

OOoooo I love honey (it's my tea sweetener!) and elderberry is tasty. I hate herbs, blech! I love rasberry stuff, rasberry and chocolate is sex in the mouth...and that sounds kinda gross!


ReplyThread Parent
box_of_sorrows
Box Of Sorrows
Thu, Feb. 15th, 2007 11:06 am (UTC)

there's a honey farm on the Scottish borders that we see the signs for every summer, I've spotted some of their produce locally from time to time.

I've made raspberry wine once before many years ago, only a few bottles but it was amazing. My dad always made strawberry wine in the summer that had such a unique taste, there's a few bottles of the last batch he ever made still sat in the wine rack at mums.


ReplyThread Parent
witherwings7
witherwings7
Agent 27
Thu, Feb. 15th, 2007 11:08 am (UTC)

Mmmm, that wine sounds tasty. Is home brewing legal over there? I've never tasted rasberry or strawberry wine..I should.


ReplyThread Parent
box_of_sorrows
Box Of Sorrows
Thu, Feb. 15th, 2007 11:22 am (UTC)

yeah it's legal as long as it is you don't try to sell the stuff. You can give it to friends/family but not for any kind of profit. My dad was really into making wine, I do it off and on more on a whim than anything. There are small makers here, like on Lindisfarne, who make traditional wines that are really amazing.


ReplyThread Parent
bellelvsbeast
bellelvsbeast
Officer Kelli
Fri, Feb. 16th, 2007 09:23 am (UTC)

Wow that is so sad...I read the death notice and she was actually 18...so young...:(
Yea it sucks when you get crap for something that isn't your fault and the people pointing fingers wouldn't know! :P
And yea it would be nice to have a car, but you need money and you first need a job and isn't it FUNNY how all those things are RELATED?? Stupid people...:P
AGAIN with the stupid shit you can't change due to other things. How stupid, and you PAY THIS GUY? That money should go towards a car! He tells you things you already know. How stupid and a waste of time...I think your weight makes no difference on your attractiveness to hire...it could be your interview skills you just need to work on. I know I had to. But your weight? Please. This guy is stupid. And you are excited about a book, but you KNOW it's a BOOK and not REAL LIFE. So how are you living in a FANTASY WORLD? I am super excited the talking Steve Irwin Doll is coming out. Does anyone call me a child? NO because they know I am a FAN and it's OK to be a FAN of something, much like you are an HP fan...sheesh. Sorry for capitalized words, I am agitated about this whole thing. Your therapist acts like Dan's father and that REALLY cheeses me off...:(
I think you should just move away and live in the woods...then no one would bug you...:P
If you wanted to move and you found a job near me, I would so let you live with me until you made some money...just a thought. We have a really good transit system...
I know it's hard to lose weight, my whole family does. But they don't insult me on it, they suggest ways to help. My dad bought me a gym membership (we know someone who works for 24 Hour Fitness so we got a deal) and he intends to pay it until I get a job and can establish myself...but they encourage me and your mom, brother and therapist are doing a shitty job of doing that, and it's so appalling.
Your mom needs to grow up. Do you have any relatives you can go live with? ANYONE other than your mom? She seems to hinder you rather than help and it hurts me to see it happen and I can't help you...
Hey start looking at jobs near my area and maybe we can figure something out! If I get the job I am going for I will have enough money that you won't have to pay rent and maybe I can get you like a guest pass for my gym...really look into doing this! :)


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witherwings7
witherwings7
Agent 27
Fri, Feb. 16th, 2007 09:38 am (UTC)

Oh don't you know? I'm keeping hold of my virginity until a guy with a lightning bolt scar on his head and a skill for flying comes to whisk me away! /sarcasm ^_^
There's a Steve Irwin doll?
Yeah, the BART is a cool transit system :3
Sadly she's the family member in the area I get along with best. My favorite relative lives in Eugene (OR) but he's only 16 and lives at home (obviously). My other favorite relatives live in the east coast and Chicago.


ReplyThread Parent
bellelvsbeast
bellelvsbeast
Officer Kelli
Mon, Feb. 19th, 2007 06:02 am (UTC)

Well my offer still stands, if you are interested...
Yea apparently it was unveiled at the Toy Fair this year and is a plastic doll where you can choose you own adventure! Sounds nifty! I am so getting one...;)


ReplyThread Parent